All Consuming

Never before have I experienced anything like this before. Never before have I encountered something that has taken control of my entire life the way this has. I cannot remember anything that has dominated my mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and relational aspects of my life. But here I am.

The PSC and pending surgery now define who I am. I have lost my identity. I am now "the guy who needs a liver." It is rare that I can go more than 5 to 10 minutes without thinking about some aspect of this surgery. That includes sleeping as insomnia is beginning to set in. My prayers are dominated by new livers and speedy recoveries.

My physical identity seems to be taking the biggest hit. My energy level starts off low and goes down from there. Sleep comes in 10 to 20 minute bursts. Almost every time I stand, I feel light headed and dizzy to the point that I nearly fall back down.

Every time I see or talk to a friend it is all we talk about. How we can't believe that we have not gotten the call yet. How we can't wait to get the call. How I feel. How are we doing.

The reasons for wanting to find the right liver and have the surgery are growing by the day. Now it is more about get my life back. It is about getting who I am back.