Here We Go Again

I thought we were done.  

We are supposed to be done.

We should be done.

But we're not.

We found out today that my wife will have to have surgery to remove a tumor on one of her ovaries.  We really do not or will not have many details until pathology is back after the surgery.  

This does not come as a complete surprise.  My wife had an Ultrasound last Monday and got the call from the doctors office last Thursday.  They told my wife that they had the results, but would not give them to her over the phone.  She would have to come in and speak to the doctor (of course she did find a way to finagle a copy of the report Thursday afternoon from her PCP).  Both of us have been through enough with doctors to know that is not a good sign.  I actually did blog about it, but didn't post it because we did not want to worry people until we knew exactly what the plan was.  If you want to read more about when and how we found out click here.

So we now move forward with yet another mountain to climb.  The doctor said that he is going to do do everything possible to preform the surgery laparoscopicly, but with four previous surgeries and the build up of scar tissue, there are no guarantees.  He will not know for sure until they put her under and get in.

For now we are planning for worst case scenario, which would be another full blown abdominal surgery to remove the tumor (that is a grand total of 5 major abdominal surgeries for her all together for those of you keeping score at home).  That would of course mean a longer stay in the hospital, and a longer and more difficult recovery.

At the same time we are hoping and praying for the best, which would be the doctor could do the surgery laparoscopicly and we would have to spend a day or two tops in the hospital with a shorter recovery period.  We ask that you do the same.

The next big question is how are we doing.

I had to resist the urge to throw up several times today.  I feel a lot of things, but most of all I feel bad for my wife.  I feel bad that she has to go through this again.  I know that this is the last thing she wants to do (or the 2nd to last thing she wants to do...the first being to watch me have to go through another surgery).  I know how much she hates the whole process.  I just feel bad for her.  

I have no fear.  I am not scared.  She will be fine.  The whole thing just sucks.

As for my wife, the first thing she did when she left the doctors office was go shopping for new pajamas to wear in the hospital and during recovery.  I am not quite sure what that says about her, but I take it as a good sign.  Instead of me guessing what she is thinking, it might be better for her to tell you.

M here.  Okay, let me explain the pajamas first :)  It's almost a tradition (I know, sad to have a tradition for each time you're told "you have a mass and you need surgery").  I always need something  good or positive to focus on.  So instead of thinking of the actual surgery and recovery, I think about the fact that I'm going to have comfy (and cute) pajamas to wear while I'm recovering.  You know me.  If it's soft and cuddly I'm in.  Maybe it's a self-soothe type of thing.  Who knows, but I'm actually doing pretty well today considering.  My guess--it's the jammies!

Luckily, I haven't had much time to think about all of this today.  I went to the appointment with mom (and we were both anticipating the results for surgery).  We went p.j. shopping, grabbed a bite to eat, and then I had to head into work.  So not really much time for processing.  Maybe another coping mechanism.  Keep busy, keep busy.

Today I am well.  Tomorrow on my day to work from home, who knows.  I'm sure it will all hit me at some point.  Luckily today is not the day.  So I'm getting ready to relax on the couch with my wonderful (did I mention he got me chocolates and a cute card) and healthy (did I mention he's healthier than I've ever seen him) hubby.  I'm planning to have a nice, relaxing, enjoyable evening.  I hope you all do the same!

Lots of love, M & B