Waiting for what?

A few days ago, I went to another liver transplant support group. It is nice to be able to get together with people who have shared some of the same experiences we have gone through. We tell stories and listen to each others experiences. For the most part, this is a good thing. However, at this most recent meeting, a lot of the talk was focused on the hospital stay after the transplant and it got me thinking. I have been waiting and hoping and praying everyday that that would be the day. And yet every night, I go to bed and wake up with no call. I want to get that call so bad, so my wife and I can put this all behind us and move on. That has been and will continue to be my focus.

The problem with that line of thinking is that I mentally skip the recovery part. Maybe it is because I know how difficult it is and I am blocking it out. Maybe it is because I know what to expect. Maybe it is because it is such a long and slow process, I figure I'll have plenty of time to focus on it when the time comes. Whatever the reason, the fact is that eventually I will have to face a very long, painful and grueling recovery. At the support group, I was reminded of the pain that comes with every move. How just walking down the hallway wipes me out. How for two months I will be stuck at home. How even when I am well enough to return to a daily routine, it will be an additional 2-4 months before I can start climbing, hiking and surfing again. This is what I am desperately waiting for? Of course once all that is over and done with, it will be just another hurdle we have overcome and we will be able to get on with our lives. B

Of course there is also the deeper and darker side of the waiting as well. There is a simple undeniable fact that I cannot escape. In order for me to live, someone else must die. In order for myself and my family and friends to feel overwhelmed with joy and tears of happiness when I do get the call, another family will be overcome with sorrow and tears of sadness. It is my hope that what ever family out there that will lose some one they love, will also find some solace in the fact that their loss will not be in vain. For through their loss and their decision to donate the organs, other lives will be saved. When I do get that call and have that surgery, not only will I be given a new life, I will also be given a responsibility to carry as well. The responsibility to make the most out of the gift of life that will be given to be. I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to make that happen.