Still Waiting

As the waiting draws on and on, it is beginning to wear on me more and more. It feels I am carrying around this huge weight on my shoulders, and it gets heavier and heavier each day. We didn't expect to have to wait this long and it is starting to bring me down. At this point though, the wait is beginning to effect me in other ways.

This disease is beginning to take away who I am. No matter how much sleep or rest I get, I still feel tired. I made the mistake of trying to go out on my own on Monday and nearly passed out from exhaustion, even though I was only out a short amount of time.

I spend most of my time sitting on the couch or laying in bed. I just can get up an be myself and it is driving me nuts. Most people that know me would probably not describe my as the type of person that sits around doing nothing. Spend 5 minutes in my house looking at pictures on the wall and they will tell you the same thing. There are pictures of me hiking up 14,000 foot peaks in Colorado and SCUBA diving 60 feet below the surface in Cancun. There are pictures on my wife and I hiking in St. Johns, on the beach in the Bahamas, and out on the boat on a sunny day. I rock climb. I golf. I surf. This is who I am. At least that is who I used to be.

Although my body is telling me that I cannot do any of these things, my mind is not cooperating. I want to do all these things and more. My mind thinks about doing them, but my body is not following. The worst part is that there is not an end in sight and my body is going to get worse before it gets better. I know that once I have the surgery, I will have some type of time frame for when I can get back to my normal activities, but even then it will be long hard road back.

So it all comes back to waiting again. Waiting for the call. Waiting for the surgery. Waiting to get my life back.